Aetoss Saves Village, Defeats Winged Monster
Interviewer: Thank you for calling me for this interview, Sir Aetoss! I can see your brow still glistens with the effort of your recent act of heroism!
Sir Aetoss: No problem at all, it’s important to notify the people that they are finally safe from this menace which had claimed dominion over the local public park for so long.
Interviewer: The townspeople look utterly confounded by their newfound sense of safety, they must have thought they would always be tormented by this winged beast! I’m sure their gratitude is so great that they simply cannot find the words to express what this reality-altering act of bravery has meant to them!
Sir Aetoss: It’s not about gratitude or thanks, it’s about doing what’s right. When darkness envelops the imperiled or the weary, I must stand as a light which permeates the shroud and reminds them of hope. Hey, that was actually pretty good - you got that right?
Interviewer: Beautifully expressed. Yes, I got that down. Could you explain what happened?
Sir Aetoss: A hero’s life is an unpredictable one, the only thing I can be sure of is that when there is a call to action I must rise to meet it. I was vacationing in this lovely little town after a publicity tour for my new book, “A Lion’s Mane: The Haircare Secrets of Sir Aetoss Broadshield.”
Interviewer: Ah yes, your most recent bestseller. I’ve already bought a copy for my entire family! We aren’t exactly on speaking terms since I’ve designated Aetoss Corp as the sole benefactor of my will, but your book will surely be a great icebreaker! Sorry, I interrupted - please continue.
Sir Aetoss: You’re too kind! Anyway, as I said I’m vacationing in this town to decompress after the strenuous work of signing so many autographs. This morning I was walking to the nearby public park to meditate upon nature, the transience of all things, and to figure out where I dropped my room key. As I approached the park I saw a crowd of local people gathered near the side of the lake. Upon closer inspection, they appeared to be making some kind of ritualistic offering. It’s unfortunately not uncommon for a monster to hold a town hostage and demand offerings or sacrifices. The poor townsfolk must have been destitute, because I saw that they could only offer loaves of bread!
Interviewer: How tragic! How merciless to take what little these humble people have!
Sir Aetoss: Indeed, but the scene only grew worse when I saw the monster - I was nearly taken aback in shock! I’ve not seen an act of nature so devastating and cruel since rain had ruined my leather jacket. The creature must have been some sort of feathered chimera: It was a master of the skies, with wings that can cause hurricanes! It was a master of the water, floating as easily amongst the tempest as Stormwind’s armored warships and causing tidal waves in it’s wake! And, to my amazement as it emerged from the lake, I saw it could traverse the ground as well with it’s horrible webbed claws!
Interviewer: The horror! The very existence of so twisted a creature almost causes a crisis of faith!
Sir Aetoss: I know not from whence this monstrosity had come, but it’s origin could not have been the divine. The monster feasted briefly upon the offering, but then seemed to become entranced by the sight of easy prey - an old woman, who happened to attend my recent book signing. She was so immersed in reading my sophisticated prose that she did not see the creature charge towards her! The beast made a horrible honking cry as it lunged towards it’s helpless victim! I sprung into action! I yelled a warning at the monster to desist, but it not heed. It beat it’s enormous wings, it was a visceral fury of feathers! The monster shrieked, “honk, honk,” as it mercilessly snapped at the woman’s cardigan! She cried out in panic! I charged-in with my sword! From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak, I fought this feathered leviathan! Every time I thought I had bested it and started to walk away, the monster would use the opportunity to strike! How many battles we had I could not even guess, but it was three.
Interviewer: How classless, to be shown mercy by the great Aetoss Broadshield and attempt to strike him when his back is turned!
Sir Aetoss: That’s ‘Sir’ Aetoss Broadshield.
Interviewer: I’m sorry, of course, Sir Aetoss.
Sir Aetoss: No need to be so formal, I’m a down to earth guy. Aetoss is fine.
Interviewer: I’m continually awed by your humility! Please continue your story, Sir Aetoss.
Sir Aetoss: I realized that this encounter could only end with death. I briefly mourned for the innocence this creature might have held before it had turned to a life of evil. No, this fight could only end with death - and it would not be mine! The monster’s thick hide seemed impervious to my sword, which I suddenly realized had only been my sheath! Some sort of evil spell must have caused my sword to disappear, and I made a mental note to go look for it later. It was time to pull-out all the stops, I focused my energy and called upon the power of the Light! Pow! The chimera released a final spine-chilling ‘honk’ as it roasted in holy fire - creating a surprisingly mouthwatering aroma.
Interviewer: I’m speechless, your account is the very definition of bravery! To fight a creature of such power and cunning single-handed, I’m nearly beyond my word count!
Sir Aetoss: I sent my pigeon, ‘Duffy,’ to summon you, then dragged the monster’s enormous corpse so the townspeople would be able to see the physical proof of their liberation! One little girl was so overjoyed she cried, saying something in the local language which sounded like, “Poor Maggie.”
Feathered Leviathan, by Sir Aetoss Broadshield
Interviewer: I can hardly believe it! As ever, Azeroth owes you an enormous debt of gratitude! I can see the townspeople are starting some sort of celebration which requires pitchforks and torches.
Sir Aetoss: Ah yes, I’ve seen this ‘gratitude ritual’ before. It is a rather beautiful pageant, but I cannot stay to watch - I must go, rather quickly, to help others in need!
Interviewer: Of course, of course! Fly, Sir Aetoss! May the Light continue to bless you!
Sir Aetoss: Until next time! Before I depart I wanted to say that while I may be especially mighty and aesthetically pleasing, that even the commoners have opportunities for heroism in the every day: helping keep the city free of litter, dusting off your feet before entering a house, or buying your friends and family Aetoss Corp merchandise during our summer sale - we all have some Sir Aetoss Broadshield in our heart! Farewell!